Garage Sailing

One of my favorite time-honored traditions in my hometown of Pawnee has always been the Pawnee Village-Wide Garage Sale. It is a day when the whole village joins together and collectively hawks the goods found in spring cleaning and deemed “not worth keeping.” As kids, my friend Darin and I would often ride our bikes about town, hoping to find choice items that we could show off to our friends. I think one year I scored some really classy, stone-washed Bugle Boy jeans and a brilliantly neon hip pack. One year, Darin and I opened up a lemonade stand at his house, hoping to cheat some thirsty bargain-hunters into purchasing some poorly made lemonade. We made some money, but it was only because we pocketed the money that Darin’s parents gave us to use for change. As the years went on, I began to skip out on this tradition because of an inability to get up at a decent hour or because I was not in town or both. Never because of a loss of love.
So, as I rolled into my hometown of Pawnee to seek the services of my much-accomplished hair stylist Jenny, it brought me great pleasure to see the welcome sign announced the village-wide garage sale was that coming weekend. I expressed my enthusiasm with a series of fist pumps and decided to devote my weekend to scouring the garages of Pawnee in search of cheap crap I don’t need but would love to have.
As the Saturday of the big sale rolled around, I mentally jotted down a few items to be on the lookout for (the highest-priority being the much-needed container you keep large spoons, spaghetti forks, and mixers in.) Also, in need of a companion, I asked my friend Jill to go as she had just moved back to Pawnee and was in dire need of an event to reconnect herself with the Pawnee community. Lucky for her, the village-wide garage sale was in full effect.
We started big, going first to the largest garage sale in town, which wasn’t in a garage at all but on the site where my former church had some years earlier burned to the ground. I managed to find my kitchen utensil container and some mighty cool-looking gospel records. Jill found a big leather coat, priced for a dollar, to make bags with. The day was already shaping up to be a success.
The next notable garage sale we hit up was probably the best of the day. As we walked up the driveway, the first thing I noticed about the garage sellers (a husband and wife) was the guy’s shirt that read “What Chewbaccaing ‘Bout Willis?” After a quick check to see if it was for sale (sadly, it was not), I began rummaging through their stuff. Man, if they didn’t have some cool stuff. I managed to snag a mini (musical) keyboard with a stand and stool for $10. I also managed to pick up some children’s records that I had when I was a kid, Mr. Mom on DVD for $1, and book all about the word fuck.
The last garage sale we went to was easily the most frightening. Earlier, we drove by a garage sale, where a woman sat in the darkened corner of her garage. She seemed painfully alone, and we felt guilty not stopping. Eventually, we decided we should probably pay this woman a visit. Luckily, as we walked into the garage, another group of people also headed into the garage to see what she had for sale. This surely took some of the edge off of the awkwardness, because it can be terribly awkward being the only one there going through someone’s stuff and not finding anything that you want. What was more awkward though was that this woman was peddling Playboys and porn. Hey, if that’s your thing, cool, but I’m sure there is probably a better place to get rid of your jiz-stained magazines and porn. She also had a collection of 90210 toys and an insane amount of pop culture magnets. Thoroughly weirded out, we tried to leave as quickly as possible, but she guilted Jill into buying this pitcher she was looking at by knocking it down to half-price. I managed to leave empty-handed.
All garage sailed out, we went to the square, where the local Boy Scouts prepared pulled pork (not enough, bastards, we had to eat hot dogs!), chips, and soda for a shockingly great $2.75.
The 2008 Pawnee Village-Wide Garage Sale was yet another success and completely lived up to my lofty expectations. I’m very much looking forward to learning the piano and having a place to gather my kitchen utensils.